Want to be a Professional? Here’s what it takes

What is “a professional”, really? You ask, drawing air quotes… like a prick. A professional is someone who puts in the work and delivers results. Anytime you see a job well done, you think “this was done by a professional”. You can be a professional too. 

“A professional what?” you may ask, persisting on your completely unwarranted dickery. A professional anything. Developer who makes good software, designer who makes things look damn good, writer who doesn’t call his readers dicks, et al.

It is an abstract term that describes someone who, regardless of passion, will do a job well and exactly as per specification, on time and in full.

Some disambiguation (shoutout to Wikipedia) needs to be established between the range of people you will run into in life who might seem professional, but don’t fully qualify for that title.

10 Telltale signs of a Professional

  1. They show up on time
  2. They deliver
  3. They deliver work exactly to specification
  4. They deliver consistently
  5. They don’t have an attitude about their job
  6. They don’t complain much
  7. When it’s time to work, they’ll be found working (I don’t know why that is, they just don’t dilly dally, those emotionless robots)
  8. They’re not simpletons
  9. They know the business and the industry inside out and nothing else. They won’t know their own children’s names, but the business, they’re right on top of.
  10. They are quite rare before the age of 30.

10 Telltale signs of an unprofessional.

  1. They bitch and moan to no-end
  2. Time is but a construct, it cannot be allowed to hold power over you.
  3. Deadlines… only a complete bitch pussy would let another person tell them when and how to live life, sodomize that noise.
  4. Every delivery is an opportunity to learn, an opportunity to create. Who wants to do the same thing over and over again? 
  5. They know everything about everything. No subject matter is off limits. Microbiology? Oh yeah, they’ve read the headlines to an article on it. Economics? They could have studied it at university. Technology, they know a guy who knows a guy. Politics? They know everything. Just not how to finish the damn job they started, but right fucking everything else.
  6.  
  7.  
  8. Counting’s for nerds
  9. They don’t finish what they st…

Some clarification:

1- Don’t settle for being an enthusiast

We all have a friend who won’t stop parading around that amazingly composed photograph they took, or a seamless paint job, or a really great cup of coffee that they loudly slurp while going “aaaaah” after each deliberate sip… the utter bastards.

Enthusiasts, or amateurs, are people who have become fantastic at a certain subset of a vocation. These are individuals who, when praised, will comment, “Not there yet, but I’m learning”.

Photo by PxHere.com is licensed underĀ CC BY 4.0

OMG! Just take the fucking compliment. Turd!

The only thing separating a professional and an enthusiast/amateur is that a professional gets paid to deliver that standard of quality consistently and repeatedly.

2- The Gifted

Gifted – People born with a natural talent and ability towards something others spend ages acquiring. A significant percentage of naturally talented people will recognize, pursue and hone their skills, setting new standards for their industries. However, for every individual who accepts who they are, there will be many who bury it deep down until it cannot be spotted. 

It falls upon society to facilitate and nurture while individuals understand just what their gift is and how to capitalize on it. Assuming they’re in the same line of work, a seasoned professional is quite handy in these times.

Genie-Us… just FedEx my pulitzer, please.

They recognize stages of development, as they’ve struggled through them all. They recognize the approach required to go from one stage to another and they fully appreciate the journey. Guidance like this will set you up for life.

However, there is the tragic aspect. Sometimes, dreams are not pursued. The gifts are relegated to stave away boredom. I’ve known a friend who could do very complex maths off the top of his head. Now he just works in construction in a foreign country. I’m sure he’s being fiscally responsible, but the academic system failed this man and we lost what could have been a maths progeny. 

Man, that was depressing to think about, let’s take a break from reality and look at an animal

That’s all of you, right now. Angry, confused, orange with black stripes and endangered

We all have a special affinity towards something. Find your thing (that’s what she said) make it grow (that’s what she said), capitalize on it (that is also what she said, in an unrelated discussion). Don’t be a selfish cunt and share it with the world. Contribute to the project.

Be a Professional, not a Dreamer

“Chase your happiness, chase your dreams” is something commonly heard from crazy people and motivational speakers. I once dreamt of being Superman, try and chase that shit.

I am lunatic, hear me loudly hit the pavement

Motivational speakers get paid to speak with energy. If they got paid only when people succeeded, their advice would change immediately and drastically. Passion is a worthy pursuit reserved for a handful. Professionalism is equally accessible for anyone, anywhere. You don’t need a dream or any of that shit, just a set of standards to maintain and deliver. As grim as that might sound, it might be the most beautiful thing in the world. 

Of course, when tasked with pursuing something your heart isn’t in can be as taxing to the body mentally and physically as doing a crossword while pushing a heavy boulder uphill. Incidentally, this is also how Batman Trains. However, this isn’t always constant. Sometimes, it is as easy as brushing your teeth.

Conclusion

For some reason, I kept losing that passage about the enthusiast and I’d have to circle back to rewrite it. I must have written that passage thrice, at least. However, I didn’t want my own blog make me pussy, so, I sucked it up and wrote it again, each time. WordPress’ new writing interface is fucking me over quite vigorously.

As if that wasn’t enough, this mother fucker was mocking me by its incompletion and insufficiency. It is bitter and wants me to be just like it. Well, fuck you article, I will fist fuck the words into you and make you my bitch.

That, ladies and gents, is how professionals behave. 

I am Adi Abdurab, and my mom thinks I’m cool.